In the Sidelines
by and music
Summary: First he was curious. Then, he was intrigued. "But I thought Hotaru was your best friend?" Koko/Mikan. Alice Academy highschool!AU.
1. The List

**General Disclaimer**: I do not own Gakuen Alice.

**Word Count: **3854

**Notes:** I like Koko/Mikan, and now I will contribute to this (depressingly) small fandom. This fic will be updated sporadically, unfortunately. It's more of a collection of Koko/Mikan shots, all connected one way or another. This is set in an Alternate Universe since I stopped reading the manga, and it has been so long since then. I should also add that this is more of a Koko character study than anything else.

I will be honest and say that the quality of each chapter in this fic is not consistent, given that _Sidelines_ is being written in the span of... what, three years now? The first two chapters are definitely not my best. I think it's nice to see how I progressed through the years, though.

* * *

><p><strong>The List<strong>

_First, he was curious. Then, he was intrigued._

* * *

><p>The first time he met Mikan Sakura was around seven years ago. Sometimes he wonders, <em>has it really been that long?<em> Sumire would answer him, "Yes, it has." And then they would go on about their lives.

Only, their lives are never really the same with Mikan in the picture. Maybe it took seven years for him (longer than most, actually), but he can't deny that even _his_ life has been – is being – touched by one Mikan Sakura.

Their first meeting was never really that memorable. He couldn't even recall it. Mikan had just transferred to the Academy then, and everyone was skeptical about this new girl: this spirited little girl who came to this school of her own free will without realizing the risks she was taking. Everyone was curious about this cheerful, down-to-earth, albeit slightly idiotic, no-star.

It wasn't long before this cheerful, down-to-earth and slightly idiotic no-star became a promising, talented two-star.

That was basically how Koko would have summarized the past seven years spent with Mikan. So, no, his life wasn't any more memorable than it already is by a long shot. Maybe his life isn't the same old life he used to live; there are more pranks, more memories, more adventures even, but they aren't exactly _memorable._

'_Where is she?'_ The thought crosses his mind like a whisper. It is a familiar thought, one that Koko has grown accustomed to hearing for nearly seven years now. He turns his head around and sees Natsume, a permanent frown etched all over his face. Koko mentally chuckles.

"She's late again," Ruka says, pointing out the obvious. He sighs, sensing the bad vibes his best friend is giving off. Again. His comment doesn't help make things any better though. Not that anything ever will.

Except maybe if Mikan wakes up early for once. But what are the chances of that happening?

"I know that," Natsume replies irritably. The room temperature rises slightly. '_Why is that idiot always late?'_

Koko rolls his eyes as Natsume's thoughts flow through his head. Natsume isn't really that good at hiding his feelings for the pigtailed girl. She is just incredibly dense, and perhaps a little stupid.

Or, okay, maybe Koko just has the advantage of being a mind reader. He chuckles to himself again at the thought. Natsume's mind is thoroughly amusing to read when he isn't being predictable. Unfortunately, that almost never happens when his thoughts are concentrated on Mikan.

Moments later, Mochu approaches Natsume from the door. "She's coming," he says.

Natsume's shoulders relax a bit. He leans back and proceeds to read his manga as nonchalantly as he can. He pauses for a moment.

'_Five minutes.'_

Koko glances at his watch unnecessarily. 'Five minutes,' is Natsume's way of telling himself that Mikan is in the vicinity. Often, Koko would hear him mentally say those two words. Five minutes.

It amazes Koko how Natsume always knows when the Nullifier would approach him. He would always hear him say 'five minutes' in his head before Mikan would talk to him. When he passes by the Sakura Tree, he hears Natsume say 'five minutes' to himself. When they are in the cafeteria, Natsume whispers the words. Even when Koko isn't aware of who comes and goe,s Natsume's thoughts warn him when Mikan is nearby. It's his warning, his own mental bell.

He probably says that phrase to himself every single day. Today is no exception.

Five minutes.

And true enough, it would be a minute later that Mikan would walk into the classroom. Three seconds later, she would greet Hotaru a good morning. Forty-five seconds later, she would be hit by the Baka Cannon (new and improved, version 12.27.5). Twelve seconds to walk to Yuu. Two minutes to greet him and have small talk. One minute to walk over to Natsume's desk and greet Ruka.

Five minutes in total.

"Good morning Ruka! Good morning Natsume!" she says, her lips placed in their usual smile.

The temperature goes back to normal, _thank god_. Koko sighs in relief.

"You're late again," Natsume says in a bored tone. He looks up from his manga and gives her a once over before reading again, deciding that his eyes are better suited for comic books and mangas than annoying auburn-haired girls.

He's looking at the same page he's been reading for the past ten minutes. Koko smiles in amusement.

"And you're reading manga again," says Mikan, her tone as even as Natsume's. "Don't you get tired of that?"

"Don't you get tired of strawberry panties?"

Lucky guess. Mikan blushes a fine shade of red before hitting him in the head with the closest object she could reach – which happens to be his manga. "Pervert! Grow up for once, will you?"

Natsume dodges the attack. He smirks. "Says the girl who wears pigtails all the time."

They bicker like an old, married couple for the next few minutes. Sometimes, it's moments like these when Koko thinks that Mikan might be the best thing that has happened to Natsume. It's at the expense of his amusement (after all, Natsume's thoughts can only be unpredictable for so long), but the friendship he's gained is worth it.

'_Alright. The list is done.' _The thought enters his head unexpectedly, her voice unfamiliar and new. It takes a while before Koko could place a name to that voice – that voice he is now unaccustomed to hearing in his head.

Mikan Sakura.

Koko turns his head towards the general direction where Mikan is. He's sure it was Mikan who thought of it. "What list?" he asks himself. Of course, no answer came.

He watches. Mikan starts to greet everyone else in the class at random. Each greeting is warm and friendly. She smiles her best smile, and it isn't that something incredibly good has happened today. It isn't that Mikan is having the best day of her life. She just… smiles. Mikan is just sincere like that.

It piques Koko's interest.

* * *

><p>The next day is just like the day before. Mochu is on the lookout, Ruka is calming his best friend and Natsume is unconsciously raising the temperature little by little. As always, Mikan Sakura is late.<p>

It doesn't matter to the teacher of the day because he is too timid to reprimand her. He is too timid to even teach the class that he even arrives late on purpose. He always has some excuse for it, but nobody really cares.

"Hotaru!" Mikan yells, glomping her best friend in a tight hug. She is projected to the wall a few minutes later. After a few complaints directed at Hotaru's upgraded Baka Cannon (which Hotaru takes as critique – she has to improve her cannon in one way or another), she approaches Yuu.

Today is just like the day before. Only, Koko has been monitoring Mikan.

He doesn't know why exactly. Since he heard Mikan's thought yesterday, it bugs him to know what it meant. He's curious about this 'list' Mikan has every morning. He doesn't ask her about it personally though. He thinks it would be more amusing to figure it out by reading her mind, and observing her actions.

He needs to know this 'list' before anyone else. He always feels somewhat important when he knows about certain things before other people do. Maybe it's a mind reader thing, but nevertheless, Mikan's ambiguous thought sparks the curiosity in him.

After all, it isn't often that he gets to hear Mikan's thoughts, what with her Nullifying Alice and all.

The following days happen as they have yesterday; Mikan coming in late, and Koko observing her actions. He finds it strange for him to be so interested in the girl's 'list', even though it's normal for him to be curious about everyone's secrets. It's human nature, he supposes. He never had much luck in figuring it out though, because the human mind often thinks in fragments than in actual, concrete thoughts. He has learned that from experience.

Mikan knows what the list is, but she isn't going to think about defining that list in her head every day. It's like telling yourself everyday that your favorite food is ramen. You don't think about these things that way. You just _know_.

So evidently, Mikan knows about the list and Koko is yet to knowing it. So far, he has gathered that the list ends when Mikan starts talking to Natsume in the morning. But nothing else.

* * *

><p>He decides to give it up one day. It isn't worth it, he supposes. Although it does relieve some boredom, it didn't amuse him much. He doesn't bother to know anymore, and he's on the verge of deciding whether to drop the subject altogether or to just ask her about it… when he realizes something.<p>

He is still observing Mikan.

Sure, he had given up on the thought of finding out what the list is. It would probably be something stupid anyway, or so Natsume would've said if he knew what Koko wants to know. And, yeah, maybe he did decide that it isn't worth the effort; he isn't going to die not knowing anyway.

Yet every morning, his eyes dart to the door every time Mochu leaves his post. His eyes inconspicuously (for he _was_ trying to observe without getting noticed by a certain fire caster – he still wants to live, after all) glances every now and then whenever Natsume would count five minutes in his head.

He has taken to watching Mikan greet everyone in the classroom every morning.

It's a strange habit, to say the least.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Koko!" Mikan says with a smile. Koko looks up, startled from his thoughts. He silently prays that she didn't catch him staring at her a while ago.<p>

"Hello, Sakura-chan." He smiles. Somehow, it makes him feel nice that Mikan is greeting him a good morning. "Good morning to you too."

"What're you thinking about?"

It occurs to Koko that this might be the first time Mikan actually talked to him about something. Sure, they hang out and prank someone together sometimes, but they never really sit down and just _talk_. They don't know each other well enough to be like that.

He has probably noticed this before, but he never thought about it much until now. He never thought of Mikan much until now.

"What do you mean?" he asks. Both of their smiles never fade. It has become a habit for Koko to smile all the time. Mikan is probably the same, he thinks, although she smiles with more sincerity than he probably does.

"You were staring off a while ago," she says. She sits down next to him. "You were staring at _me_ a while ago. Did I do something wrong?"

'_What's on your mind, Koko?'_

This girl is beyond genuine. She says what she means and means what she says. Koko finds this interesting, and somewhat disappointing. It means that she would not have many secrets for Koko to entertain himself with. He has to admit, he enjoys learning how the girl's mind works, despite the challenge it presents.

"No, you didn't," Koko says. "I was just wondering how you can be so sincere, that's all. You're transparent, like an open book."

It isn't a lie.

"Oh, well I guess you could put it that way. I don't think I'm that transparent though," Mikan says. "And I think you of all people should know that."

'_You read my mind, don't you? You're reading it now, right?'_

"I don't think I follow." He gives a sheepish smile. "I read your mind, but…"

"Then you should know," Mikan says, standing up. She walks around so she is in front of Koko. "How I can be myself and yet people still overlook who I am sometimes."

'_You do get it, don't you?'_

Koko feels lost. For some reason, Mikan's last thought echoes in his mind. She sounds hopeful and longing. What is Mikan trying to say?

But he never found out that morning as Narumi-sensei comes in through the door.

* * *

><p>Koko finds it weird that he has only been observing Mikan for five mornings, including this morning. He could've sworn it has been more than a week already; it feels like it anyway.<p>

"She's here," Mochu whispers. "She's earlier than usual."

Natsume nods, his lips twitching to a smile before he masks it with his poker face. He is obviously in a happier mood today. The temperature quickly drops to something cooler than usual, which the other students are grateful for. '_Five minutes.'_

Koko looks at the door automatically. She's going to greet Hotaru first, he thinks expectantly. It's a little creepy how he has her routine memorized.

"HOOOTTAAAAARRRUUUU!"

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

'_Geez, do you know how much neurons you've already damaged with that thing?'_

Koko chuckles at Mikan's thought. Although, it's a bit strange in hindsight. He never expected Mikan to think about such things as neurons in her brain.

"I told you, you don't have to scream my name when you greet me," Hotaru says. She doesn't look up from the book she is reading. "There's barely a meter between us. I can hear you perfectly fine. By the way, I fired five of my ammo today, so you owe me 1000 Rabbits. Each."

"Hotaru!" Mikan yells yet again, only to be hit by the Baka Cannon once more.

"That would be 6000 Rabbits."

"C'mon Hotaru! I'm not that rich!"

"6000 Rabbits." Hotaru holds out her palm expectantly.

"Can't I just pay you with something else?"

"… Fine. A box of Howalon every day for the rest of the month."

"Hotaru!" Mikan huffs. "Best friends don't do that to each other!"

She'll go to Yuu after that, Koko thinks. Sure enough, Mikan skips (skips!) all the way to Iinchou. Then to Ruka and Natsume… wait!

That's it! The list! Hotaru, Yuu, Ruka and Nastume. That is her morning list. But…

What does that mean?

* * *

><p>Hotaru, Yuu, Ruka, Natsume…<p>

What did that small list mean?

Koko is lost once again. He has no idea why he is even bothering to know about the list. He had given up on that, hadn't he? Why go through all this once again?

It drives him nuts when he realizes that he has not only memorized the list, but he has also memorized all the things Mikan Sakura does in the morning from the moment she steps foot in the classroom. Every step she takes is laid out in Koko's mind. He couldn't help it. He notices these things, and they simply would not leave his head.

Mikan's morning routine is stuck in Koko's mind, like a catchy pop tune would be. It's annoying, to say the least.

"Are you alright, Koko?"

Koko looks up from his food. Snapping out of his reverie, he notices that he hasn't even touched his dinner yet. He automatically smiles in defense when he sees Mikan staring at him with a concerned look.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" He takes the first bite of his dinner. It doesn't taste as well as he'd hoped, but it's bearable.

"I don't know. You seem bothered by something." Mikan takes a sip from her orange juice. She watches Koko expectantly.

"You can tell?"

"It's hard to tell what you're thinking when you always wear that expression." She laughs, referring to his smile. Koko laughs with her.

"I guess I just have a lot of things on my mind." He leans back on his chair, not feeling that hungry at the moment. He feels comfortable talking to Mikan though, despite the fact that this girl is the reason he was out of it in the first place.

"Is it hard being a mind reader?"

"Not really. Maybe sometimes, I guess. When I couldn't control my Alice, everyone's thoughts just get in my head."

"Doesn't that get noisy?"

"Well, yeah. When that happens, I usually can't tell my thoughts from everyone else's. It gets to a point when I can't tell who is thinking what, and I just don't think anymore." He shrugs. He wonders why he's opening up to her like this. It's not like they're close enough friends. The only other person he talks to about this is Sumire. "I got better though. I can switch my Alice on and off now if I concentrate hard enough. I can tell what I'm thinking about now."

"Like what?" She takes a bite from her apple. She loves eating fruits during dinner. It's something Koko has noticed whenever they ate together with the gang.

"I dunno," he says nonchalantly. Mikan looks at him, and it's now that he notices how much she's grown up. She isn't just a kid anymore. And neither is he. "You, I guess."

He looks to the side, feeling embarrassed for some reason. He avoids her gaze and looks around the table, seeing everyone else busy with their own conversations. Ruka and Sumire are talking about some new CD she bought; Mochu is goofing off with Kitsuneme, giving their audience some pointers of some sort on how idiots play with their food; and Natsume is, thankfully (and where did that thought come from?), nowhere to be found at the moment. On a mission, maybe? Koko's become afraid that the fire caster would burn him alive for observing Mikan.

"Me?"

"Yeah. I've been wondering about that list you always have in the morning. You greet Hotaru first, then Yuu, then Ruka. Natsume is the last on the list." Why is he being honest with her? It feels warm to tell her, though. "What's that all about?"

Mikan laughs. "Ah… I should be careful about what comes to my mind. Do you always read my mind like that?"

"I'm not a stalker, Mikan." Well, he isn't at the moment, because_ technically_ he's just observing. It's not like he's hiding her photographs and shrines. Besides, he holds no affection for her, other than friendship. Once he satisfies his curiosity with the 'list', everything would be back to normal anyway. Right?

"Well, it's not that you're not allowed to know. But it holds some meaning for me," Mikan says, and now it's her turn to smile sheepishly. "Well, it wouldn't hurt if you knew, I guess."

"I could tell this to other people you know," Koko says. "I read people's thoughts aloud, remember?"

"But you don't always do that. You didn't do it when you first heard about my list."

"That's because it wouldn't make sense if I said it."

"I guess so," Mikan puts her apple down, and then turns to face Koko. She has been eating beside him nowadays. Or rather, Koko has been sitting beside Mikan more. "But you'll find out sooner or later. I can't control my Alice that well yet, it's tiring to use it all the time just to guard my thoughts from you, so you might read my mind and find out when you get the chance. Besides, even if I tell you, I trust you wouldn't tell anyone."

"Why trust me with this information?" Koko turns to face Mikan as well. Her smile is lovely and warm.

"Because I just do. And it's not like I have a choice in the matter. You'll find out sooner or later with that Alice of yours."

Koko didn't expect for her to think along those lines. He had expected Mikan to be screaming her head off because he found out something that she's not telling everyone. While it isn't of sentimental value, it does seem important to Mikan. Yet she is taking all these in stride, and Koko is impressed that she isn't making a big deal out of this like she would if Natsume is the one she's talking to.

She really has grown. They aren't ten anymore.

It's true though, what she said. If he really does try hard enough, he might've found out the meaning behind this elusive 'list'. And it would've been something stupid, most likely. But to Mikan, it means something.

Koko wants to know that 'something'.

"So what is it, then?" As they say, curiosity killed the cat.

There is a pause. "It may seem a bit stupid," she says. She looks at Koko in the eyes, as if her next statement would be something she wants Koko to remember. At least, that's what he thinks. "But when I was little, I built this habit of greeting everyone a good morning. I always start with those who were important to me, and then I'd go on to greeting everyone else. I feel like if I greeted those close to me first, they would feel how important they are to me, because I thought of them first before everyone else."

That makes sense, in a way. Kinda childish though, but Koko finds it amusing.

"Are they in particular order or something?" Koko asks.

"Yep. Hotaru's my best friend, so she's first." Koko glances at Hotaru, who is busy eating. But he does feel like the girl noticed she is being talked about. "Yuu helped me when I first came to the Academy, and he stuck with me ever since. Ruka was the same. He's a close friend. Natsume… I don't know why, but he's important to me too. I guess he kinda grew on me or something. Tsubasa-senpai and Misaki-senpai are in the list too, but I don't always see them in the morning. Narumi-sensei is included too, but I don't always see him either."

"I see." Koko nods. He takes a sip from his water. He feels like Mikan would continue talking whether he asks her to or not.

"If someone I know greets me first before I greet Hotaru, I would greet them back," she continues. Koko mentally applauds himself for his prediction. "But the first one that I would greet on my own would have to be Hotaru."

There is silence after that. Koko never liked silence, so he opens his mouth to speak when Mikan cut him to it. "Do you think it's stupid?"

Koko looks at her curiously, startled by the question. "No, I don't," he says. Since when did his opinion matter to this girl? He feels somewhat happy that it did, though. "I think it's cute."

Mikan laughs. "Don't tell anyone about this, alright?"

It's like pinky swearing with a little girl, he thinks. She trusts him that much. Koko promises he wouldn't tell a soul.

Most people know the first line of the adage, curiosity killed the cat. But only few know of the second line: satisfaction brought him back. Sometimes, Koko understands why people forget about the second part. He should be placated now that he knows about this list of hers. But Koko isn't satisfied. He doesn't want to end things there. He doesn't want to stop observing her.

He looks at his plate. He barely ate any of the food tonight. He sighs.

_Would Mikan ever put me in her list one day?_

He wonders where that thought comes from.


	2. Solitude

**Word Count: **2527

* * *

><p><strong>Solitude<strong>

_First, he was frustrated. Then, he was challenged._

* * *

><p>Kokoro Yome is frustrated.<p>

It doesn't (never) shows in his smiling façade that his irritation has been getting to him. His expression never changes: his lips are always smiling, and his eyes are always bright with mischief and glee. At least, he tries to. Yet deep down, Koko is becoming upset, little by little.

He couldn't read Mikan Sakura.

Since that night – the night they talked about the 'list' – Mikan has been more cautious. She has been nullifying any and every attempt of mind reading.

Koko is not happy with that.

Mikan's mind is quite amusing, and it should not be left there unread.

"Koko, do you know where Hotaru is?" Mikan asks. She is walking along the corridor with him today, but Koko doesn't remember why, exactly. He never does remember the more trivial details.

"Maybe she's in her lab?" he says. Mikan laughs, says something like "Of course, silly me," before thanking him and running off, leaving Koko alone in the hallway. He notices that Mikan has a new keychain attached to her bag today.

Now, Kokoro Yome is a very perceptive person. That is one thing that he prides himself upon. He doesn't always show how observant he is, unless he would get some amusement out of it. But more often than not, he would keep quiet about what he sees and hear. He still respects other people's privacies after all. He wouldn't say anything if it would hurt, unless he had been awfully idiotic that day (which are most days of Koko's life so he tries to be on guard when he remembers). He could hear people's thoughts unconsciously flow through his mind. He could see things many people overlook. And he could learn anyone's secrets, no matter how dark or embarrassing they were.

Anyone except Mikan Sakura.

He used to know everything Mikan thought. When they were in elementary, Mikan barely had any control over her Alice. And thus, Koko had free access to her mind. He could hear all her complaints about her studies, her secret crush with the Shadow Manipulator, and the simple amusement she gets with the little things in life.

It's not like he _always_ read the brunette's mind. He doesn't have any favorites when he's on his mind reading spree; he just takes in whatever thought flowed through his head. It isn't his fault people think loudly. He couldn't ignore their thoughts even if he wanted to.

In fact, he only specifically reads Mikan Sakura's mind when Natsume asks him to. He never asks for it often, and Koko knows mind reading would always be Natsume's last resort if he ever wants to know something about the warm-hearted girl.

And then the 'list' thing happened.

So maybe Koko doesn't have a favorite. That doesn't mean he's not curious about anyone's mind specifically.

'_Hotaru is busy today,'_ Mikan thinks – quite sadly, if Koko may add. He doesn't mean to, but he has followed Mikan to Hotaru's lab. He doesn't realize this until he felt Mikan's Alice slip a little, letting him read whatever is on her mind.

It has only become apparent to Koko that reading Mikan's mind is becoming a habit of his, whether or not she's nullifying him. He couldn't help it. He has begun reading the girl's mind every now and then. He tries not to; it feels like betraying Mikan's trust. And Koko feels bad for betraying such a sincere friend.

But then, these are things that Koko can't help with.

"Maybe I should just find Iinchou," Mikan grumbles. She turns around to find herself face to face with Koko. "W-what are you doing here, Koko? If you're here to see Hotaru, she's busy."

"Ah… Is that so?" Koko says, ever-present smile plastered on his face. There is really no reason for him to be here.

"Yeah. Say, do you know where Yuu is?"

"He's at the Student Council, I think." Koko notices that Mikan nullified his Alice once again. He's getting annoyed with that.

"I see," Mikan says, disappointment lacing her voice. "Ah! Maybe Natsume will go with me!"

"Where do you need to go?" Koko frowns inwardly, but the smile never escapes his lips. Why wouldn't Mikan ask him to go with her?

"I don't really know myself." Mikan grins. "But maybe Natsume knows."

Koko laughs. It's just like Mikan to answer like that. "Why aren't you asking me to go with you?"

"Because you said you were busy today. You're on cleaning duty 'cause of that prank you pulled on Misaki-sensei, remember?"

Oh… he had forgotten about that.

"Ah, that's right. I completely forgot. Thanks, Sakura-chan," he says. He leaves hurriedly, praying that someone doesn't find out he had been ditching his cleaning duties. He really doesn't want to be on cleaning duty today. Who would?

Maybe he'll go to the kitchen first. Washing dishes is his least despised chore.

* * *

><p><em>54 dishes… 55 dishes… 56 dishes…<em>

Koko wonders why he keeps talking to Mikan. Lately, he's always gravitating towards her presence, and it makes him feel warm. It's strange that he'd be thinking this. He's always in Mikan's presence since they were ten, after all.

But then, they aren't exactly close friends. She's there sometimes when they pull pranks, and he's there for her when she plots out her schemes. But her intentions are good, and Koko's are... well, good-natured.

"Here are some more." The robot comes with another huge pile of plates, at which Koko sighs. Those are a _lot_ of plates.

"Why aren't Kitsuneme and Mochu in trouble?" he asks himself as he washed the remaining dishes. Kitsuneme and Mochu are his partners in crime. They are the three musketeers. All for one and one for all, right?

So much for that.

Time passes. He hears a girl singing.

Her voice sounds awfully familiar and sweet. He remembers stories of a little girl dancing with her best friend, in a faraway village years before they were ten. It's coming from a voice he is growing to be familiarized with.

Unconsciously, he smiles. It's one of his more genuine smiles.

He looks around and, seeing that the robot is gone for the moment, goes out of the kitchen in search for a certain brunette.

* * *

><p>He sees her sitting at the tables alone. It's rare for her to be alone.<p>

'_Everyone's busy today.' _Koko smiles as the thought enters his mind. He stands there for a while, just looking at the girl who's lost in her music. He saunters over and pulls the earphones away from Mikan.

"H-hey!" Mikan says, clamoring for her white earphones. Koko holds them up higher in the air. "Give that back!"

"Nah." Koko grins. He's still wearing that pink apron he's forced to wear whenever he's washing the dishes. "I don't think so. By the way, my hands are still wet."

"Koko!" Mikan stands up and reached for her earphones, but Koko pulls them away from her reach. "Those are new! If they're damaged because you got them wet, I swear, I will cut you up from limb to limb and-"

"Okay, okay! Chill!" Koko says, holding his hands up in surrender. He gives the earphones back to the owner in one swift, albeit slightly clumsy, motion. "You can have it back."

"Thank you," Mikan says. She puts them back on her music player. _Thank God it still works._

"Earphones don't easily get damaged from water, y'know," Koko says as he sits down beside her. Mikan gives him an annoyed look, but she's glad for the company.

"Well, I saved up a lot of money for it and the music player. I'd appreciate it if you don't handle them roughly," she says.

Koko looks over her shoulder with a smile. "I never knew you cared so much about music."

"I always have," Mikan says. She takes off one of the earpiece and gives it to Koko, who takes it gratefully and places it in his ear. "People just don't notice it for some reason."

Now that Koko thought about it, Mikan always had this habit of singing whenever she got bored. She would always sing a song or hum a soft tune to herself. Perhaps it isn't that obvious to everyone because she doesn't use her music player that much. And, as far as he could remember, she doesn't play any musical instruments either. But she loves singing; this, Koko has seen many times before.

"You won a singing contest with Hotaru when you were little, right?" Koko asks. "I think I heard you telling us about it."

Mikan nods eagerly in agreement. "Yeah, Hotaru and I went to a lot of contests when we were little. We often won a lot of prizes, but maybe it's just 'cause we lived in a small village in the country."

"Nah, you guys won because of your talents." He nudges her arm and grins. "I'd bet you can win any singing contest."

Mikan laughs. "Flattery won't get you anywhere."

"Is that so? Then maybe telling the truth will?"

"I suppose."

"Then," Koko grins and leans in closer to Mikan. "You're a horrible singer. Nobody would want to listen to you." He pushes her forehead back with a flick of his index finger before quickly running off, leaving a dumbfounded Mikan.

"H-hey!" Mikan yells once realization hits her. Koko stole her music player. Her _music player_. She takes off, chasing after Koko. She almost falls down the floor in her haste. "That was mean, Koko!"

"Hey, I'm just telling you the truth!" He laughs and runs around the cafeteria, jumping through chairs and ducking under tables.

"Take that back!" Mikan yells, but when Koko looks back, he could see a smile forming on her face. "And give me back my music player!"

"You gotta catch me first!"

And so they run around the cafeteria, laughing and dodging chairs and tables. Sometimes Mikan nearly catches up, but Koko would dodge her the last minute. They continue to banter about music and Mikan's talent in singing (or the lack of it). They laugh. They use the chairs to block one another's path. They throw insults at each other, but they were all too light-hearted to hurt. They joke around, and all was taken in the spirit of fun.

There is a warm feeling in the room, and Koko is enjoying every minute of it.

"Woah!" he exclaims, stopping himself before he hits the wall. He sighs in relief as he manages to stop, but Mikan runs into him with much force. She couldn't stop her run, and the two collide with the wall in front of them. Koko groans. He doesn't like being sandwiched between a wall and a klutz.

"Ow!" Mikan says, holding her head in pain. She sits up, away from Koko. "You okay? Sorry about that."

Koko laughs, his smile never leaving. He isn't badly injured, and Mikan is light enough that the impact doesn't hurt. "I'm fine," he finally says. He holds out Mikan's music player, which remains undamaged, much to Koko's relief. "Take it back. I don't wanna be responsible for messing it up."

Mikan takes the music player and puts it in her pocket. Then she holds out her hand to Koko. "Yeah. Hotaru would scold us both for wasting precious money on something so breakable."

Koko takes her hand and stands up. He smiles inwardly, finding it amusing that it's the girl who's helping the boy up, and not the other way around. How un-gentlemanly. "I don't wanna have to experience that. I'd probably end up having to owe her money for something I didn't even take or do."

Mikan rolls her eyes. Then she looks around the cafeteria. "I guess we'd better clean this up before someone scolds us."

"I'll do it," Koko says. He flattens out his apron for emphasis. "I'm on cleaning duty, remember?"

"You don't seem to be doing your job though." Mikan laughs. "Sorry for interrupting your work. I'll help you clean up."

"Nah, it's fine." Koko picks up a stray chair and puts it back to where it belongs. Mikan starts arranging the other chairs as well. "I got to learn something interesting today."

"Oh? And what was that?" Mikan asks from under a table. She emerges with another chair on both hands. Koko walks over to help her out.

"You're a great singer," Koko says. They properly place the chair back to where it should be placed. "And you're a slow runner."

"You're just faster than I am." Mikan sticks her tongue out.

He rolls his eyes. "That's so immature, Sakura-chan."

"Freedom of expression," she counters. They finish up, and Mikan sits on a chair. She gestures for Koko to do the same. "I learned something today too."

"That I'm a fast runner?" Koko suggests. He puts his arms behind his head in a relaxed manner. He always feels relax around Mikan. Something about her just puts him at ease.

"That. And you learned something about me without using your Alice."

Koko blinks once, twice, then he smiles. He hasn't even thought of using his Alice at all.

It's strange, but he's glad for it.

He doesn't have to use his Alice all the time to learn something about Mikan Sakura. Now that he thinks about it, it wouldn't have been fun if he read Mikan's mind in the first place. He would know everything Mikan would do before she'd do it. All the things she'd say and mean. It would leave him with no surprises.

"Huh, I guess you're right," Koko says. "You can sense that?"

"My Alice makes me more sensitive, I guess. I've gotten used to nullifying." She stands up and walks around until she's in front of the sandy haired lad. "Thanks Koko. We should hang out like this again next time. Only, without the pink apron."

"Why not? I think it suits me," Koko jokes.

Mikan rolls her eyes, but laughs with Koko all the same. She looks at the clock on the wall. "Sorry I had to bother you with your cleaning duties, but today was really fun."

It's something Koko would expect Mikan to say if they were still ten years old. _I guess some things never change_, he thinks. And he's glad for that.

He smiles warmly at the brunette and stands up. "Yeah, it was."

* * *

><p><em>321 dishes... 322 dishes... 323 dishes...<em>

Koko seems to be working faster than he was a while ago. He chuckles silently. _This will make up for the time I ditched cleaning duties_, he thought.

Mikan Sakura. He learned something new from Mikan Sakura today. And he didn't need his Alice to do that. He feels proud for knowing something without the help of his Alice. It makes him feel independent. And, for the first time, _normal_.

He had been irritated with himself for not being able to read Mikan's mind, but he guesses that learning things the old-fashioned way is fun too. It's more... challenging. But more satisfying as well.

He wants to learn more about her.

He wants to be closer to Mikan.


	3. Invincible

**Word Count: **2808

* * *

><p><strong>Freedom<strong>

_First, he was alone. Then, he was free._

* * *

><p>The truth of the matter is, Sumire Shouda considers Mikan Sakura as one of her true friends.<p>

Koko should know. After all, he's her best friend. And Koko should know, because he has the mind reading Alice.

Koko… he knows a lot of things.

Like, he knows that Permy had a huge crush on him up until the last year of their elementary days. Now she's gushing over some upperclassman dude who's also part of the prom committee, and maybe that's just one of the reasons why Sumire decided to join. Koko also knows that Sumire thought about him all the time back then, and it's sort of flattering at first (especially when he realized that he might be inclined to spend more time with her than most of the female population), but then it just got… disturbing. Especially when puberty struck. Koko lost interest after that. There are just some things that he can't _unsee._

Like that one fantasy Natsume has for a certain Mikan Sakura. There are days when Koko _really_ can't help it. (He wishes he could though.)

It took him a while to get used to thoughts like these. He had to. He was (and still is) surrounded by rampaging teenage hormones. And sometimes, it's not even the _teenagers_ who were disturbing.

And it doesn't really help that he's a teenager himself. Hormonal imbalance sucks, to say the least.

"Sorry Koko, but could you buy me some ribbon?" Sumire asks through the phone. "Prom's coming up and we're running out of decorations. You know the ones we're using. The glittery kind from that one shop there."

From that one shop. The glittery kind. Koko rolls his eyes. There's got to be dozens of glittery ribbons in any one shop. How could he know which one? Girls always seem to like to talk vaguely. ("Do you remember that one time?" "Oh yeah! You wore that other red dress-" "In that other store near that street…")

Girls. Seriously.

"I don't really know which ribbon you're talking about," he replies. "There are a lot of stores here in Central."

"Just… You know what I'm talking about!" Sumire says impatiently. Koko can hear a lot of background noise from the phone. People must be busy today. Koko doesn't really like it.

Stupid prom.

"No, I really don't Permy." He continues his walk along the streets of Central Town, looking for a décor shop or some other. He spots the Howalon stand. Maybe he should buy a box for Sumire. She seems stressed enough as it is.

"Then- just. Read my mind or something!" Yep. Stress. Koko laughs.

"You know I can't do that over this distance." He saunters over to the Howalon stand and brings up his index finger. "One box please. Oh!" Maybe Mikan would want some Howalon too. "Make that two," he says. He struggles with his hands to find his wallet, whilst trying to keep the phone between his ear and shoulder. It's a very challenging task.

"But you've seen it already! I showed that to you yesterday!"

"What…?" A pause. Oh. He's running out of money. "Oh, they were ribbons? I thought they were curtains…"

"Shut up Koko. I _know_ you knew they were ribbons."

Koko grins, even though he knows Sumire can't see it. "No really, I didn't know."

* * *

><p>It's not like Koko is insecure or anything. It's just that, it's been a while since he was on his own. Usually, there's always someone walking in step with him. Sumire, or Kitsuneme. There's Mochu. And the rest of the gang. He might even go as far as mentioning Tsabasa-senpai. And Mr. Bear.<p>

He was never _not_ on his own. There's just so many pranks to pull, and stories to tell, and food to gorge down their (his) throats. So much life to live.

Yet here he is, alone, standing amongst shelves and shelves and _shelves_ of glitter and paper and ribbons and glue. With two boxes of Howalon, and just enough (if not less) money to compensate for his bus fare and for Sumire's ribbons. Stupid ribbons.

Really, Koko isn't insecure about that.

"Ribbons," he mutters, looking through all the ribbons. They feel soft to touch, lacy and flowing. Almost religious to his skin. "She'd better pay me for all the work she puts me through."

He doesn't really know what to make of his new position as Sumire's errand boy (slave). He seems to be doing a lot of favors for her these days, when once upon a time they would talk about jokes and Alices and friends. But now all he hears from her now is 'buy this' or 'do that' or whatever, ever since Sumire became part of the prom committee. He doesn't even know _why _they're hosting another dance. He vaguely remembers the details, about how the school decided to have a non-Alice-related-school-dance for some reason or another.

(Natsume swore Narumi-sensei is responsible for it. "It's just one dance too many," he had said.)

(Koko didn't even agree to Natsume's statement until Permy stopped being his friend and became a slave-driver.)

To Koko, prom is definitely not as appealing as other people make it out to be.

"Stupid. Prom." he says as he slams the roll of ribbon on the counter. The robot-cashier looks up, startled.

He hardly spends any time with Sumire without having to do her requests.

* * *

><p>And it's not just Sumire who's been busy lately.<p>

It seems like _everyone_ has something to do. Even Kitsuneme (extra credits are his only way out of Trigonometry, and Koko is only 'bringing him down'). Not that Koko doesn't have his own studies to deal with, but he's still surviving his academics (sort of). And it's not like he doesn't have anything to do with his life.

"Koko?"

But, well… there's just nothing interesting him anymore. Mind reading can be dull sometimes when everyone's thinking about prom and midterm exams. What's interesting about that?

"Koko."

It's been a while since he's had anything worthwhile to do (helping Sumire with the prom doesn't count). It's strange.

Even though he doubts that he-

"Kokoro Yome!"

Koko looks up, startled from his thoughts. He blinks once, twice, then squints his eyes because the glare from the sun is blinding him from seeing the boy who called him. "Huh? What?" he dumbly says. He leans back and feels the rough bark of the sakura tree and the soft grass beneath him, still mildly wet from the morning dew. He lifts his hand to cover the glare, and sees Ruka's worried face.

Ruka sighs. "You've been staring at the sun for, what, ten minutes? You okay?" He sits down next to Koko uninvited, and leans against the sakura tree. Natsume's sakura tree.

"I was?" Sometimes (most of the time), Koko wishes his brain didn't make him sound so stupid in the morning.

Ruka chuckles. "Where's Kitsuneme? Or Mochu? You're always alone these days. Something happened?"

Koko shakes his head. "Nah. Everyone's just busy lately."

"And you're not?"

"No?" Koko picks at the grass beneath him. "I don't know. There's nothing to do. What about you? I thought Piyo was sick or something."

"Well, not anymore," Ruka vaguely says. "I'm waiting for Natsume's return. He said he'll come back before breakfast, but he might skip classes if he's too wounded. You know how his missions get."

Koko nods, because yeah, he _does_ know. Natsume's nightmares still scare him out of his wits sometimes. Koko has taken to looking at Natsume in a different light now ever since his missions started becoming more… gruesome. There are just some things a teenager should never, _ever_ be allowed to do. Brings nothing but death and sorrow to people.

"How bad is it this time around?" he asks.

Ruka shrugs. "I'm not sure. He's not allowed to talk about it, and I don't think he ever will even if they let him." He brings his hand up and runs his fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes and heaves a heavy sigh.

Koko looks at him curiously. There are so many things unspoken between them, but none of these really matter at this point. Some things don't need to be said to be understood. Ruka's jaw is set and his eyes are tight around the corners, tired from staying up all night, Koko presumes. How long has he been waiting?

He wonders how hard Natsume must be working right now. Is he saving lives? Is he in danger? He'll never know, and neither will Ruka. Not if Natsume can help it. If anyone will ever know, it will probably be Mikan Sakura. She's special that way.

They're both special – Mikan and Natsume. People like Ruka and Koko are nothing more than the common people in comparison. Perhaps that is why it's harder to live a life like Natsume's. Perhaps that is why it's easier for Natsume to talk to Mikan.

And yet, still, Koko can sometimes feel like he can relate to Natsume in his own way.

And even more still, with Ruka. He glances at the teenager beside him, and these waves of emotions run through him. There is pain, but it feels forced – as if he's trying hard to relate himself to Natsume, but can't. Not to the degee he always hoped to. There is worry and anxiousness. There is regret, but Koko doesn't understand why. But most of all, there is fear – fear of the unknown, of death, of losing someone to fate.

It's overwhelming, and Koko feels like he could drown at the intensity of these emotions. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. He's never felt this way in a while. It's almost frightening.

It's these emotions that make Koko think that Natsume has picked the perfect best friend for himself. In that way, he's glad. Because even if Natsume will never look at him the same way he does for Ruka, Koko still cares for him.

'_I hope he's okay.'_ Ruka thinks, and Koko agrees with the sentiment wholeheartedly.

They wait for Natsume's return for the rest of the morning.

* * *

><p>On some mornings, Koko likes to take walks along the Northern Forest, just because he doesn't have anything to do and it just so happens that his eyes rebelled against his brain for sleep. These mornings are usually rare, because Koko is a <em>do-er<em>. Koko does things. He likes doing things. So it puzzles him when his morning walks become more frequent, and he doesn't like the fact that his boredom might have been the cause of it.

Of course, with the way he's been sensing emotions lately, he thinks those walks are well-deserved.

He tries to stay clear of Mr. Bear's path of course, but sometimes that's just not possible. The first time Mr. Bear saw him, Koko swore he nearly died from his famous super-punch. The second time around, he brought cookies just in case (he managed to steal some from Anna and Nonoko). The punch wasn't as hard as before, although it still hurt him. But Koko liked to think that he and Mr. Bear are on better terms now.

These early morning walks became more and more frequent as people become more and more busy. He hardly ever sees Mikan or Sumire or Mochu anymore. It's a strange thing to be lonely. Not just alone, but lonely. It's been a while since he's been like this.

The last time he ever felt this was before he met Sumire. Before he entered Alice Academy. Or, well, before Sumire forced him to include her in his small world. How strange, this alone-ness.

Koko stops, feeling lost for a moment, but he shrugs off the feeling because, maybe, this is just a temporary thing. He hasn't realized until now how dependent he is on his friends. Now he's starting to realize what actually makes him alive. It's puzzling, though. He used to love these morning walks (and he still does), because it gave him time for himself. To think without hearing everyone else; to hear something _quiet_ for once. In some ways, he and Natsume are very much alike, especially with the way they build walls around themselves. Being a mind reader is no easy task.

But Koko can't bear to be alone for eternity either. He lives for the loud life; for fun and games and pranks and laughter and the thrill of being alive. It's paradoxical.

He wonders how Natsume does it. Because surely, Koko couldn't bear building walls for the rest of his life, even if he knows that's what he'll be doing.

* * *

><p>"Koko? What are you doing out here?"<p>

But on this particular morning, he's not alone, and he's not lonely. Not today, at least. Koko smiles.

"Eh, just. Walking. You know." He chuckles, because these morning walks have become more and more of a habit than of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. He doesn't need as much silence as he usually does. But blocking out thoughts every now and then is a refreshing activity. "It's a nice day outside," he adds. Koko then notices the irony in his statement, but he shrugs it off because he relishes the feeling of his shirt clinging to his body, the cool droplets running down his back.

Mikan lopsidedly turns her head to the side. "In this weather?" she asks. She motions for Koko to come closer. "C'mon Koko, get in, the storm's picking up!"

Then they both see a flash of lightning, and Mikan flinches before the thunder reaches their ears. She shivers slightly, and she's calling out to Koko to _get_ _under the damn umbrella_, and it's a wonder how beautiful Mikan's voice turns out amongst the crashing thunder and rustling leaves and falling rain.

"Yeah, okay," he says. He walks under Mikan's umbrella, taking it in his hand because he's taller than her now (puberty does a lot of wonders). "Why are you out here in the first place, Sakura-chan?"

It's been a while since they talked.

"Natsume," she says, as if it answers all of Koko's answers. And it did. "He's so stupid not to call Ruka, Koko. And I was stupid enough to come here without Ruka. Actually, could you, um, carry him back?"

'_Please Koko, I don't want him to die. I love him.'_ Koko doesn't know if Mikan's nullification just slipped, or if she really let him hear her thoughts. He could feel the emotions behind her thoughts – how worried she is for Natsume's health, and how much she cares for him.

Either way, Koko nods and lets Mikan lead him to the forest. He doesn't want Natsume to die, either.

For a progressive morning, the sky turns darker by the second, and the umbrella doesn't do much to keep them dry. Koko feels the mud and rain on his legs, but they're not important. Not when his friend might be in danger.

When they reach Natsume's battered form, Mikan immediately runs to his side to take care of any fatal wounds. Koko just stands there dumbly, hovering the umbrella over their heads, trying to think of what he can do to help. Nothing comes to mind. Natsume doesn't wake up, and Koko doesn't expect him to. Everything is silent except for the thunder and rain and Mikan's whispers.

They make their way back, trying to hurry so they can escape the rain and get Natsume to the infirmary, but also trying to slow down so that Natsume's wounds would not reopen. Mikan's face scrunches up in worry.

'_Please be okay, Natsume.'_

And Koko smiles at Mikan because that's what he always does. He smiles for the people who can't. He smiles to hide the fact that even _he_ is worried for Natsume's health right now.

"Thanks for coming by Koko," Mikan says. "I shouldn't have rushed in without Ruka."

And Koko smiles wider, because he's never felt so… so… so _alive_ before. There's something about seeing Mikan again for the first time in _days_ (or _weeks_, he imagines). He doesn't know what Mikan has been doing lately that made him not see her for a while, but he never imagined he'd be so happy to see her again. It's like he actually _missed_ her, which is strange.

He doesn't want to lose this feeling. Of seeing Mikan right there, smiling under her yellow umbrella, and she just looks so _bright_ under this dreary weather. Or of how his hair is matted with sweat and rain, and there's just this inexplicable feeling of freedom when tiny drops of water fall down on your skin. He is alone _with_ Mikan. And he feels invincible.

Even with Natsume's limp body in his arms, he feels invincible.

He never thought he'd ever think of himself in this way.


	4. Smile

**Word Count: **2596

**Note: **I can't believe the amount of cliches I'm using in this fic. Oh well. That's highschool!AUs for you.

* * *

><p><strong>Smile<strong>

_First he was content. Then he was aware._

* * *

><p>"<em>How is Natsume-kun?"<em>

"_He's doing better, Mikan-chan."_

"_Since… when did you start calling me Mikan-chan?"_

"_I… I don't know. It just came off naturally, I guess. Did I offend you?"_

"_No. It's alright Koko. You're one of my friends after all."_

_She smiles._

* * *

><p>"I can't find anything! There's not enough light!"<p>

"It's kind of scary in here."

"Don't be such a wimp! It's not like we're gonna die."

"Mikan. It's Imai. Maybe she won't kill _you_, but what about me? Remember Halloween of last year?"

"Hotaru wouldn't do that!" And then, "Oh wait…"

"See? Even _you_ agree with me. Let's just get out of here."

"Well, it won't be _that_ bad. This'll just be real quick, you'll see."

Koko sighs. "Mikan, as much as I enjoy pulling pranks and sneaking up on other people with you, I don't think Imai belongs to the category of 'other people'." He shifts Mikan's weight on his shoulders and grips tightly on her ankles, trying hard to remind himself _not_ to look up. Despite her small appearance, she's heavier than she looks. Just what does she _eat_?

He could have sworn she used to be lighter when they were ten.

"Aw, it won't be _that_ bad," she replies. Above him, Koko could hear some tinkering and banging, and no, they _aren't_ being as quiet as they should be. Koko is sure that Mikan doesn't even know what she's doing up there, but it's not like he could have done it any better (or worse). There has got to be at least three inventions in there that needs Imai's genius repairs.

"Got it!"

She jumps off Koko's shoulders in a rush, and Koko had to close his eyes to avoid seeing a peek of something only Natsume was allowed to see (so far as Mikan is concerned, considering that she doesn't reprimand Natsume as much as she should). Still, Koko was never really good at controlling his curiosity. He was definitely sure he saw strawberries there. And a flash of pale skin.

So Natsume _was_ right. Mikan hasn't changed at all.

Resigning himself to his inevitable fate of perpetual doom, courtesy of the wonderful Hotaru Imai, he grabs the blueprints from Mikan's hands and spread them out on the table beside them. He doesn't understand anything about its writings, and he sure as hell won't even try. "What exactly are you planning to do?"

Mikan grabs a marker (Koko notes that it's permanent) from Imai's pencil holder and pops off the cap. "I'm just gonna add a little something. It's not even considered a prank."

She guides the tip of the marker on the paper and carefully doodles on the edges of the blueprint. Amongst angry faces and flowers and swirly lines and stick figures of two girls walking along triangle Central shops and whatever Mikan thinks of drawing, she writes:

_Hotaru you baka! When are you going to Central with me? Stop holing yourself up in your room and have fun for once! – Mikan_

As an afterthought, she adds: _and Koko_

Before she could put the cap back on, Koko grabs the marker from her hands. He grins. "You forgot the smiley," he says, and he writes a smiley beside their names.

_Mikan and Koko :)_

They sat there for a few seconds, admiring Mikan's messy doodles and Koko's smiley.

"We are so gonna get in trouble for this," Koko says. They look at each other and grin.

They both laugh.

* * *

><p>It takes her a week at most to get her inventions done in a flash, but Hotaru Imai is a genius and so it wasn't that hard in the first place. Sure, Koko had to suffer a few (read: a lot) hits from the Baka Cannon for the rest of the week Imai was preparing and <em>re<em>pairing her inventions, but at least Mikan got to smile. Eventually, they _did_ go out to Central Town and had fun ("I would have come with you earlier if you didn't mess up my blueprints," Hotaru had said), and so that was that.

They invited Koko, of course, but he refused. He would have just been a bother in their best friend bonding thing.

Mikan mouthed him a "Thank you!" before running off with her best friend in tow.

Before they left though, he heard Hotaru's thoughts directed at him. _Koko, I'm going to kill you._

Such was the wrath and hostility of the Ice Queen. Koko, in all honesty, was (and still is) afraid.

* * *

><p>Despite his (personal) promise, Koko still reads Mikan's mind every now and then.<p>

It's not like it's _his_ fault. He couldn't help it if her nullification just happens to _slip_, or if her thoughts just happen to be extra loud this time (which was, more or less, all the time – as long as she wasn't nullifying him). Besides, he wasn't accountable to Mikan when she didn't know he made such a promise in the first place. He was his only witness, and as long as that fact remains, he can break his promise for all he wants. Still, he feels guilty now and again, but he brushes the feeling off. Why would he feel guilty when Mikan doesn't even _know_?

He has never been this serious about promises before, except when it concerned Sumire (duh) or Natsume (partly because Sumire respected Natsume too much, so Koko is sort of forced to respect Natsume as well, but mostly because he doesn't want to end up as burnt chicken). Hotaru would have also been an exception to the rule, but so far he has managed to live his life without making a single promise to her (which, that in itself, is a scary prospect).

But Hotaru is already a scary woman to begin with.

"Koko," she says calmly. "You owe me 50000 rabbits for the damage you idiots made to my inventions. One of my blueprints was torn apart as well."

'_I was going to use that for the contest.'_

She eyes him levelly. Koko backs up a little, feeling the cold atmosphere. Whilst Natsume could burn down houses with his glare, Hotaru could probably freeze anyone with just her presence. She is a different threat altogether.

"Eh, why me?" he complains, despite his terrible situation. "Why won't you take money from Mikan too?"

"She already bought all of the supplies I needed for the competition." She smirks.

'_Why did you think I agreed to go to Central with her?'_

Ah, so it was all for her selfish gain. Koko sighs. He should have known. The greed behind her thoughts is surprisingly overwhelming.

"But I don't have that kind of money, Imai." he says, bringing his hands up in defense. It's a lie, but he'd take the risk. He worked hard not to spend his rabbits too much for his savings, and he would like it if he kept them, thanks.

"Yes you do." Her eyes glint maliciously in the dark. Scary. "Or else you would have to pay me service."

"… What kind of service?"

Hotaru smiles, and it isn't a genuine smile.

"Oho ho, do you really want to know? Well, I could use a slave..."

Koko swears he will never be able to spend precious time with his money again. Hotaru is the devil's spawn, damnit!

"Fine. I'll pay you," he said dejectedly, fishing out his wallet.

* * *

><p>Koko leans back as everyone crowds around the lunch table. He closes his eyes. Somehow, everyone's thoughts are a little extra loud today, and he can't help it if he can feel the emotions behind them either. It's a little taxing, if he's being honest. He can only think so much – everyone else's thoughts are just making things worse.<p>

Maybe it's just a little exhaustion, he thinks.

"The theme for the prom is a masquerade," Sumire says. "What do you guys think?"

"It's just a stupid dance," says Natsume. He still has bandages on him (his latest mission so far had been the worst), and everyone could feel the temperature rise a little. Beside him, Ruka pets his bunny calmly. Even _he_ is not interested in anything like a dance.

They have more than enough every year. Why add more?

"But a prom!" Mikan exclaims. "It will be fun, Natsume! There will be dances, and masks, and music, and-!"

'_I want to dance with you.'_ Koko nearly sits up at the sincerity of the thought.

"But we just had one last December. And aren't masquerades a bit overdone?" Mochu says. He leans back, putting his arms behind his head. '_Still, at least there won't be any schoolwork.'_

"I think it will be fun." says Anna. '_Something always happens during dances.'_

"…" Koko watches everyone talk, all the while knowing everyone wants the dance to happen, for whatever petty reason. He doesn't really get it. He doesn't want to go to the dance, and he doesn't know why. It's the perfect prank place, the perfect opportunity to avoid schoolwork. The perfect night to hold Sumire's hand and dance beneath the dim lights and fading music.

Okay, so maybe he's sulking. Sumire just _had_ to go have a crush on that upperclassman dude (Minato Keito, if you care to know) and, yeah, okay, so maybe he's actually probably just a little tiny bit jealous. It's not like that actually means he likes her. Because as far as he's concerned, he just likes her as a friend.

Because him and Sumire? No offense, but… ew.

He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with her, and he doesn't really harbor any feelings for her (or for anyone for that matter). Still, they usually go to dances together so going to one without her just feels… weird. And lonely. He hasn't seen her as of late, except for classes.

Even then, she was too busy for them to talk properly like normal friends. Prom committee really sucks.

"Well then you guys think of a good theme."

"C'mon Sumire. We're not part of the Prom Committee."

She even thinks of prom during _lunch_. Koko wishes he could just abolish this prom thing so that she would never speak of it again.

"I know!" Mikan exclaims. "A Walk of Fame Murder Mystery!"

"Huh?"

"It's gonna be cool, I tell you," Mikan says, standing up in her excitement. "We can all dress up in cocktail dresses and stuff and be all important VIPs or whatever. But there will be a 'murderer' amongst us who 'kills' a few people or 'kidnaps' them during the dance. And everyone has to find out who it is!"

"That's stupid." Natsume says, crossing his arms. "Only an idiot like you would ever think of something like that."

"No, I think it's worth thinking about." Sumire smiles, and her eyes light up at the prospect. "At least we don't have to change the décor much. I'll talk to the committee about it." She stands up and collects her things before Ruka apparently caught sight of something in her bag, which prompted him to ask:

"By the way Sumire. Has Keito-senpai asked you out yet?"

"It's still too early for that!" Sumire yells. She blushes. "But y-yeah. He did."

Koko glares at his food, feeling this pang in his heart, sharp and burning. 'Cause that hurts more than he ever thought it would have.

* * *

><p>So it didn't take long for Koko to mull over the fact that he isn't going to the dance with Sumire.<p>

He rolled around his bed, not eating any breakfast and taking long, dragging walks in the morning. He didn't pay much attention to class, or to his friends, including Mikan. He didn't even mind all the noise he keeps hearing in the hallways, what with all the loud thoughts everyone was thinking. He walked around like a zombie, with dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Aside from class and morning walks, he stayed in his room all holed up.

It only took three days so really. It wasn't _that_ long.

"Koko," Kitsuneme says when he barges into his friend's room without so much as a warning. "You look awful. Did you get any sleep last night?"

'_Is this about Sumire?'_

Koko chuckles. "Am I that easy to read?"

Kitsuneme shrugs, knowing that his friend just read his mind. "On some days, when it's kind of obvious. But I'm not a mind reader all the time, unlike you."

'_So what's up?'_

Koko smiles. It's kind of difficult for him to leave his smile, even in his current state. Sometimes, it's nice that someone can read him well. It's a nice change, especially when Kitsuneme is looking at him like that with a goofy smile. He can feel the emotions behind his thoughts – can feel how much he truly cares for him – despite that smile. "Yeah. You know how I always go with Sumire to these dances?"

"What? Don't tell me you're jealous?"

"I'm not. It's just," Jealous? Him? Pfft. He isn't. Or is he? He knows he isn't, but still. It just feels… "Weird."

Kitsuneme laughs. "Man, you so like her. I knew it!"

"I don't!"

"Whatever you say." '_Liar.'_

* * *

><p>So maybe he <em>is<em> jealous. Just a tiny bit. The truth is, he didn't expect Sumire to _not_ go out with him. That isn't how they worked. He didn't think that that Keito guy would actually have some shred of feelings (or pity) for her as well. He just… didn't seem like the type who would hit on Sumire.

Granted, he doesn't know much about the guy, but Koko still has a better Alice than him. Because really, who would want an Alice that could see auras? That's like, totally useless compared to Mind Reading.

Koko rolls around his bed (_again_) and sighs. His pillow doesn't feel right and his bed doesn't feel right.

He and Sumire… they have something special, right? That's what he thinks. She was his first friend in Alice Academy and she was the first one who made him smile genuinely ever since he found out about his Alice. That was enough reason for her to be put on the 'special person' category, even if she is a loud-mouthed, arrogant, emotional girl. But, maybe those were the reasons that made him open up in the first place. She's a special friend that way.

Still, she wants to go to the dance without him. She hardly talks to him anymore unless it's about prom.

Well, at least he's happy for her. He really is. He knows how Sumire gets when she's focused on something or someone, so he's glad that that Keito dude is making her dreams come true. A little. Somewhat. He's happy for her.

Even when it feels like he's losing a friend.

"No, it's not like that," Koko tells himself. "She's just distant now. And that has never happened before."

He sits up, feeling heavy because he misses Sumire. He picks up his pillow and fluffs it up, because it just doesn't feel right. Then he notices a piece of paper under his pillow, neatly folded. He picks it up and reads.

_Koko! Stop sulking around and get out of your room! We're here if you need any help so stop being an idiot and have fun with us! – Mikan and Kitsuneme and Hotaru :)_

_P.S. I wasn't part of this. Mikan just put my name here. I'm also charging you 10 rabbits for this paper. - Hotaru_

Koko, despite all of his thoughts, smiles. Mikan always makes him smile. In that way, she's special too.


	5. Honesty

**Word Count: **2498

* * *

><p><strong>Honesty<strong>

_First they were drifting. Then they got better._

* * *

><p>Sometimes, it is the not-close-friend that catches his attention.<p>

She used to be Sumire Shouda, the girl who forced herself into his world.

Today, she happens to be Mikan Sakura, the girl he knows little about.

They aren't close friends, Koko knows. They only hang out because they both think the other is fun to be with. And, okay, maybe they have tons of mutual friends (and enemies). But they're not close enough to be called close friends.

They aren't not-friends either.

They're the kind of friends who would chill at the beach, but not the kind of friends who would share secrets to each other at two in the morning. They're not _close_, but they're close enough. At least, that's what Koko thinks anyway. He doesn't know if he's happy about this or not (or _why_ he's even bothered about this at all), but if anyone asks, he supposes he's content with what they have, all things considered.

It's not like he inherently _wants_ to be seen as someone more important than he is now in Mikan's life. If he's being truly, totally, 100% honest (and it's been a long while since he's ever been like that with someone), it's more like he misses the fact that he used to be close with Sumire – and Mikan's pretty much filling up that void. Or rather, she's the closest to filling up the void.

Koko doesn't like to see himself as clingy, but this is _Sumire._ His best friend. His first friend in Alice Academy, if you want to get technical. She's the girl who made him smile genuinely; the one who always bugs him to be more honest. They may not seem like it to an outsider, but they're very close.

When he was young and still a little innocent, Koko even thought of her as his soul mate.

(Not that he doesn't think of her that way anymore, but you know. It doesn't feel like they are anything these days.)

So maybe it feels like he's just using Mikan because he's jealous Sumire isn't there lately. It kind of makes him guilty.

Kind of.

Then again, it never started out this way, so his guilt eases away a little bit. It started with curiosity, as with most of Koko's adventures. And he really does enjoy spending time with Mikan. Really.

It's just… he misses Sumire.

It's kind of frightening by how much he misses her too.

So when Koko hears her knocking on his door at two in the morning, asking if they can just talk, well… let's just say he's both happy and surprised.

"You know you're not allowed in the boys' dorms, right?" he jokes, ushering Sumire in. "You'll get in trouble."

Sumire scoffs, sitting down on Koko's bed, like she hasn't been doing that since elementary. "Like you weren't walking around the girls' dorms with Mikan around two weeks ago. C'mon, I saw you two. You were even ditching your cleaning duties."

Koko laughs. "You saw us? Huh, I think I would have thought I'd sense you if you were there. You tend to think pretty loudly. Kinda like Mikan, actually." He lies down on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Almost instantly, his loneliness dissipates, as if having a decent conversation with Sumire was all he needed.

"Don't group me with her!" Sumire playfully hits Koko, smiling all the same. Just because she's friends with Mikan doesn't mean they stopped insulting one another – even if for the sake of banter. Actually, Koko would be more scared if they _aren't_ insulting one another. "Okay, so maybe I didn't actually _see_ you two. But I knew about it anyway, and that's the point. Anyway, I need to talk to you, Koko."

Koko could feel Sumire tense a little, so he sits up and looks at her. "What's up?"

There's something off about Sumire today; Koko can tell. She's less lively, and she shifts her eyes every now and then as if she's hiding something. In fact, she seems a little… scared. No, that can't be right. Koko tilts his head to the side. These emotions he's sensing feel jumbled up. She's both apprehensive and anxious at the same time.

But there's also love. And hope. And that slight giddy feeling she often gets when she's happy about something.

Koko blinks. It's been a while since he can sense Sumire's emotions. He's been sensing a lot of people's emotions lately, actually – like when Ruka was worried about Natsume. It's a strange feeling, to say the least.

(It's a feeling that's getting stronger and stronger, and it's sort of worrying when he thinks about it.)

"Prom's coming up in a week," she says. She looks up at the ceiling to avoid Koko's eyes. Her lips form a small smile. "You know about Minato-san, right? Well, he asked me to be his date to the prom. I never thought he'd actually do it, but he did. It happened during one of our meetings."

'_Sometimes I still can't believe it. But he was very sweet about it. You know about this, don't you Koko?'_

Koko sighs. Of course he knows. He isn't even surprised anymore that they're on a first-name basis now. He plasters on a smile (it feels different being insincere with his smiles around Sumire) and says, "I've heard. You said yes."

"Of course I would!" Sumire says. She pauses, and it takes a while before she looks at Koko in the eyes again. "Are you mad?"

"Why do you think I would be?"

"Because we always go to these dances together since… I don't know." She sighs. '_I didn't even ask for your permission.'_

"You don't need my permission, Permy. It's not like I'm the boss of you."

"But you're hurt." '_I'm sorry, Koko.' _

Koko laughs. It's not an empty laugh, because he really does find it amusing. But he knows Sumire could tell that it's one of his fake laughs – the ones he always uses when he's hiding behind a façade. He's been using that façade a lot lately. It's weird. "Just because I can read minds doesn't mean you have to stop talking. I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other? Always?"

"I just," Sumire sighs again. "We haven't talked lately, and I've always been busy these past few days. And I kind of feel guilty for leaving you like that, especially since I didn't even tell you that I can't go to the dance with you." She pauses and looks at him in the eyes. "I'm really sorry, Koko."

There's a reason they're best friends, and it's not just because Koko is willing to put up with her. He shrugs. "It's okay. I'm already planning to prank someone with Kitsuneme anyway."

"We're almost done with the preparations, so I won't ditch you anymore this week. I'll make it up to you. God knows how much I've been slaving you off anyway." Sumire gives him a long look. "So, are we good?" She stretches her arm out and holds out her pinky.

Koko interlinks his own pinky with hers. This time, his smile is more sincere. Maybe it's because he knows that Sumire really is apologizing, and maybe it's because he doesn't want her to feel any guiltier than she already does. Or maybe he really just hates not being on good terms with her. "We're good."

Sumire smiles, and it really is a beautiful smile.

(Still, Koko can't help but think that Mikan's smile is prettier. He wonders when he started thinking like this.)

The atmosphere feels lighter now. Koko can tell that a huge weight has been lifted. He's not sure though, if the relief he's feeling is his, or Sumire's.

"Good." Sumire playfully punches his arm again. She leans in, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "So. What's up with you and Mikan?"

"Wha-?" Koko falls back on the bed as Sumire leans in closer and closer. He inches back slowly. He can feel Sumire's curious mind probing him unconsciously, trying to get something out of him. There's a strange curiosity in her, and Koko can't help but feel bothered by it. "What does Mikan have to do with all this?"

Sumire rolls her eyes. "Like it's not obvious. You like her."

"No I don't."

She hits him harder this time with a pillow. "Don't be an idiot, Koko. You _like_ her."

"Don't be pushy, Permy. I'm telling you, I don't like her. Where'd you get that idea anyway?"

She gives him a pointed look. "Stupid. I may not be with you all the time, but I'm still your best friend. I can tell these things." She looks at him in the eyes, and Koko can't help but look back. After all, this is _Sumire_. Who knows what will happen if he _doesn't_ look back? "You've been spending a lot of time with her lately."

Koko shrugs again. "What's wrong with that? We're friends. It's what friends do, Permy."

"But this is different. You look at her differently. You don't act the way you do with her when you're with Anna or Nonoko." It's left unspoken, but Koko can hear it even if she doesn't think about it. '_Or when you're with me._'

"Hey!" He crosses his arms like a petulant child. He's glad that Sumire finds it amusing though. "I act differently when I'm with _you_."

"We're best friends. That doesn't count anymore." They both ignore the implication of the word 'anymore'. She pulls Koko closer and _really_ looks at him in the eyes. "Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't like her, Koko. If you can do that, I won't bother you about her again." She smirks. Koko knows she thinks she got him this time.

Of course, she's wrong. Koko just knows she is.

"I'm just hanging out with her 'cause you're always gone." This time, it's his turn to smirk. "Don't make assumptions, Permy. You should know me better than that."

"You can't honestly believe that." She stares at him hard.

"I do, actually." He grins at her, despite the cruelty the thought implies. After all, it sounds like he's only using Mikan because he's lonely. Whichever way he looks at it, it's not something a friend would do. "It's the truth."

"Oh c'mon. Don't pull that crap on me. If you really believe that, then you're just deluding yourself. You're not that cruel. Admit it. You like her. Maybe other people don't see it, but I can. You keep staring at her in the classroom for heaven's sake!" Then, as an afterthought, she adds, "And don't tell me it's just because you're buddy buddy with her now, 'cause that's just creepy on all accounts."

"I wasn't _staring_."

"You were looking at her unblinkingly for minutes longer than even a normal friend should," Sumire says slowly. "If that's not staring then what the hell is it? I'm surprised Natsume hasn't burned you to a crisp already."

"He's been busy with missions. And that doesn't prove anything!" He looks away and avoids her eyes. In all honesty, he's surprised that he doesn't believe what he's saying. He's convinced that Sumire is just that persuasive of a person, but there's also this inkling of doubt inside him. He doesn't like Mikan that way (damn it, of course he doesn't), but his voice is softer than usual and he can't look at Sumire in the eyes when he says, "I told you. I don't like her."

"Yeah right." Sumire leans back and arches an eyebrow, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You can't even tell me that straight up without breaking eye contact. Honestly, for someone who claims to be observant, you're just as dense as she is sometimes. The only difference is that you're oblivious to _yourself._" She throws her hands up and mock sighs. "What would you ever do without me?"

"I'd be doing better, that's what." Koko sticks his tongue out.

"Oh, very mature Koko." She punches him lightly again for the third time.

"I'll prove you wrong, Permy." He smirks and punches her back. "You'll see."

"Looking forward to it." She smirks. '_You can't prove me wrong, Koko. I know you better than you know yourself._'

Koko smiles, despite how Sumire's thought echoes in his head. Because honestly, he knows that she's thinking the truth. She knows him better than he does himself sometimes.

(That doesn't mean he agrees with her about the Mikan thing though. Of course not. Still…)

He knows he's lucky to have her as his best friend.

* * *

><p>This is all Permy's fault.<p>

He's never been _this_ observant when he's around Mikan, but now it's like he's sensitive to _everything_. He knows when Mikan is touching his arm, or if she switched perfumes recently (he likes her new scent though, that subtle hint of tangerines; he's never liked strong fragrances anyway). He can tell when she's looking at him, even if it's unintentional.

He can never tell her emotions though, the way he does when he's around Sumire or Ruka or Kitsuneme lately.

It feels soothing that way. It feels normal.

"You're lame, Koko. But that's what I like about you anyway. You wouldn't be Koko if you weren't lame." Sumire laughs. "It won't hurt you if you just admit it, you know."

"Shut up," he retorts sulkily. He keeps watching Mikan though, the way she tends to Natsume under the Sakura tree. He feels like a voyeur, and it's embarrassing how he's looking at her lately. "I was just passing by."

"As if." Sumire crosses her arms. "You were staring at her. Again."

"Was not."

"Don't be childish, Koko." She follows Koko's gaze and gives the sakura tree a glance. "You're in trouble when Natsume gets wind of this."

"There isn't anything he'll get wind _of_, Permy."

"Whatever you say~" she says in a singsong voice.

Koko sighs. He takes his eyes off of Mikan, trying to ignore how animated she is when she talks around Natsume.

He'll prove her wrong.

He _will_.

* * *

><p>Mikan is staring at him, and it feels uncomfortable.<p>

"What is it?" he asks. He ignores how Sumire is smirking at him from the other side of the table.

"Nothing," Mikan says. She laughs lightly. "You just seem happier lately, that's all."

In front of him, Sumire is grinning like a madman. She wiggles her eyebrows at Koko, then she gives him a haughty smirk.

"I am?" He ignores Sumire entirely and devotes his attention to Mikan, admiring how gentle her smile is and how loud her expression resonates in the cafeteria. Her smile is infectious – he's not even aware that he's smiling. "Well, it's fun to be happy, right?"

Mikan grins. "Yeah, you're right."

He's happy that he's able to make her smile wide like that. It feels warm.

Argh, who is he kidding? Sumire's right, he really does like Mikan.

(Damn it.)


	6. Noise

**Word Count:** 3320

**Notes: **No Mikan, but Koko and Natsume bond here. Er, somehow. A little bit. Sort of. Hurrah?

* * *

><p><strong>Noise<strong>

_First there was silence. Then there was noise._

* * *

><p>He doesn't know when it started, exactly. All he knows is that, somewhere along the way, he can feel the emotions of the people around him.<p>

He can tell that it's a gradual process. He's seen glimpses of Hotaru's greed for money. He felt how much Kitsuneme cared for him when he was upset about Sumire. And more intensely, he felt Ruka's overwhelming worry, and the small flutters of Sumire's light-hearted crush.

It worsens each day. And at the back of his mind, he knows he should have seen it coming.

It's rather difficult to explain, but he can somehow sense _emotions_ from people now. He hears them – feels them – when he notices Natsume automatically whisper 'five minutes' to himself. There are small tugs in his heart, and a tight, constricting feeling in his throat. There is a warm feeling that resonates inside him. It's similar, but stronger, to what Koko experiences when he himself makes Mikan smile.

"She's coming!" Mochu says as he leaves his post. Natsume positions himself with his manga, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Right on cue, he whispers 'five minutes' in his head.

And there it is again. That tugging feeling in his chest. Koko groans at the sensation.

It's stronger than what he feels for her.

(It's not his emotion, after all. It's Natsume's.)

"Woah, you alright dude?" Kitsuneme asks. "What's gotten into you?"

Koko shrugs. He can feel Kitsuneme's curiosity wafting over him like some kind of aura. It's a mild curiosity, a hint of concern. It's the same way he'd feel when any of his friends are acting weirdly.

It mixes with the way Natsume's heart is palpitating because Mikan is right in front of him, bantering with him about something trivial.

It's… strange. He feels emotions that aren't his and, to put it bluntly, it's chaotic as hell.

"I'm fine," Koko replies eventually. "No. I don't know. I feel strange. It's like I can feel what people are feeling."

"Seriously?" Kitsuneme gives him a curious look. "What's it like?"

Koko looks up curiously. How is he supposed to answer that? He blinks, completely lost with how he should go about this. It's almost indescribable, really. His heart is beating just as fast as Natsume's, and Kitsuneme's curiosity tickles the edges of Koko's own mind. There's also this little bubble of happiness inside him, and he thinks this one is coming from Sumire, who's standing by the teacher's table, reading some love letter or other. These calculating thoughts pass by him; worry laced with careful precision, and it's coming from Ruka, most definitely.

He opens his mouth and tries to convey all these feelings, but shuts up before he could even utter a word. How is he going to do this again?

Everything is going mad inside him that he can hardly tell his own emotions apart from the others anymore. His heart is racing; he feels elated; he feels like the world couldn't have been any more perfect; he feels anxious; he feels worried. He feels _sick_. Koko closes his eyes, trying not to let his feelings (_their feelings_, he corrects himself) get the best of him. Whatever his says is bound to sound stupid. "I can feel your curiosity. I can tell how much Natsume's got it for Mikan. I can feel Sumire's giddiness over Keito-senpai. It's… I don't know. It's weird, man."

Kitsuneme whistles. "But isn't that normal, being able to tell what others feel? And everyone knows Natsume's got it bad for Mikan. Maybe you're just being extra empathic today." He laughs, slapping Koko's back reassuringly. "Dunno if you noticed, but you're kind of the listener of our group. You listen to a lot of people's problems, even if you don't mean to. Some of us feel comfortable talking to you with our problems, you know? So you're kinda like, I don't know, one of the group's keepers. If anyone would know when something's not right with someone, it would probably be you. So don't sweat it, man."

Koko laughs along because he can't really explain this annoying empathy phenomenon, and Kitsuneme's reasoning does seem sound. But something doesn't feel right. Even if he is being overly empathic, he's sure his heart wouldn't be throbbing this fast. He shouldn't be feeling like the words are caught in his throat; shouldn't have to feel like he has to push down the bubbling feeling rising up inside him. He looks at Natsume through his peripheral vision, and almost sighs at the intensity of his emotions. It's a little overwhelming how much Natsume cares for her.

(His little crush can't even compare.)

"Good morning Koko!" Mikan says, catching Koko off-guard. She touches his shoulder and gives him a sunny smile.

The palpitations stop completely.

* * *

><p>'<em>I wonder what's for lunch today.<em>'

'_I seriously can't take this anymore! What kind of friend is she?_'

"Man, what's the point of studying math anyway? It's not like we'll need them!" Kitsuneme says. He wraps an arm around Koko's shoulder. "Bet you failed that test too, huh?"

Koko shrugs. "I don't know. I think I did better than last time though."

They are walking along the hallway, making their way to the cafeteria. Koko keeps up his smiling façade but… something feels off. Thoughts keep flowing freely through his head, continuously echoing distant emotions. And that's not normal at all, even for his standard.

'_I need to do better.'_

'_Haha, no kidding?_'

The thoughts get louder and louder each step they take. Koko nearly frowns. He has never heard so many thoughts since before he entered Alice Academy. He's sure that, after all the training he endured in this school, he's never gotten out of control with his Alice again – not like this, at least. The most that could happen is a small migraine. Koko looks around warily, carefully placing a smile on his lips like he always does.

Why is everyone thinking so _loudly_ recently? He knows this has been going on for a while, but these thoughts were never _this_ loud before. What happened to his control?

'_I saw her sneaking into her room last night._'

'_Why would she?_'

"Heh, you used that Alice of yours didn't you?" Mochu says. He turns around and walks backwards, pointing a finger at Koko. He smirks. "Cheater!"

"He couldn't have done that," Sumire says. She crosses her arms and glares at Mochu. "We have anti-Alice devices all over the classroom, you dimwit."

Mochu rolls his eyes. He turns around again and talks about something – Koko doesn't know what it is about anymore. He couldn't hear what he's saying. He couldn't filter out the thoughts.

'_What am I going to do when he finds out? Oh god, oh god oh god…_'

'_I bet the school's behind it._'

_Shut up!,_ he thinks. He closes his eyes for a minute, trying to control his Alice. _Be quiet!_

He can hear laughing. He can hear crying. He can hear people talking about rumors – who cares for rumors anyway? He can feel love, he can feel hate, he can feel _confusionapathyangerreget. _He can hear everything everyone is thinking, and he couldn't shut it off. _What is going on?_, he thinks. There's no reason for him to go out of control now, or ever. He stops walking, frozen in place as everyone's thoughts bleed into his, amalgamating into a mass of noise, fighting for his focus and attention.

"Koko?"

It's like everyone's shouting inside his head, pouring their emotions into him. He hears everything, _feels_ everything, until he can no longer tell who is thinking what. He can hardly hear his own thoughts anymore. He feels a rush of euphoria run through his veins, his head almost lightheaded and dizzy. His heart starts beating wildly – he can no longer tell if it's the anxiousness from the other students bleeding into him, or if he's starting to get panicky because of his lack of control.

His eyes start to well up, but his throat is caught in infectious laughter.

"K-Koko, are you alright?"

Something's wrong. Something's wrong, something's wrong, _ohgodsomething'swrong_, he thinks. He can't tell what's going on anymore. He can hear someone crying. He can hear someone laughing. There are words. There are sounds he can't recreate, and voices he can hardly recognize. There are images floating in his head – images that are not his. His mind can't focus on anything – not one voice, not one image, not even the faint white noise that floats in the atmosphere.

There are emotions pushing inside of him, and none of them are his. It's like he's being dumped all of these thoughts, all of these feelings all at once.

He feels light and happy and sorrowful and vindictive and nervous and _ohmygod did you see what happened hey why are you wearing that i wonder if he likes me do you think i'm too conceited i am so going to get her for this i wish i could be your friend i hope i wish i am i think i - _

"Koko! _Koko!_ Shit, he's not responding."

"Dude, snap out of it!"

_i want to cry i want to laugh i feel embarrassed i need i want i win i can't i'm not why how you are am i for what no i'm-_

"_Koko!_"

His mind draws a blank, and he collapses.

* * *

><p>Sleeping is wonderful.<p>

It's like a temporary escape from the tireless world that is life. Everyone wants to feel alive, to go about their busy days only to get something less than what they asked for. A hopeless job, an endless cycle of revenge and hate, a boring mess of neutrality and indifference. A lover who can't be perfect, a hope that can't be realized. This is what people live for, and to them, it's more than enough.

Sleeping is a godsend escape from the unfortunate and the dreary, even if it only lasts for a little while.

Koko wonders if Natsume ever thought like this.

He hasn't seen everything the black cat has, but he's seen more than enough. He's seen death and wounds, blood and torture, debris falling on the ground as buildings collapse night after night. Heard screaming children and the hysterics of a helpless mother. Felt pain and sorrow, and the numbness that comes afterwards. He's seen fire; even felt the burning sensation on his skin. Okay, so maybe he hasn't felt the searing heat on his skin in the literal sense, but Koko can read Natsume's vivid memories and it's almost as real anyway. Almost as if Koko has been there. It doesn't hurt, but it _hurts_.

There is regret and anger and lots of self-loathing. There is pain and numbness. And in the midst of all these, there is a sliver of hope. Koko could barely feel it, but Natsume holds on to it so strongly that Koko can't help but to _believe_ in it, even when he doesn't know exactly _what_ it is he believes in. All he knows is that it's there, and it's enough to keep Natsume moving. There's an overflowing well of emotions deep in Natsume's heart, and Koko can feel every single one of them. The guilt, the shame, the _need_ to protect someone. The feeling of being pulled back, of being restrained by some unknown force Koko isn't aware of. The fear of dragging other people needlessly into this messy business. The exhausted walls he builds to make himself look strong, because he doesn't have a choice does he?

And quieter, almost like a whisper, there's a resigned acceptance of defeat of a different kind. Koko's not sure what this means. It's buried too deep, but if he scrapes through Natsume's heart long enough–

Something slips into his finger and all thoughts cease.

"This should keep him at bay for a while."

Koko eyes flutter open and he jolts upright at the sudden lack of thought. "What – huh? Where...?" His eyes dart around until he finds Serina-sensei looking over him.

"Shh, it's alright Koko. You're in the infirmary," she says. She sits down on the chair beside his bed and puts a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

Koko blinks and opens his mouth to talk about pain and joy and thoughts bleeding into him, but he stops himself when he realizes the utter _lack_ of thoughts flowing in his head. There are no words, or sounds or images, or feelings that are not his own. His head and his heart are calm, empty even. Free. "I feel better," he finally says after choosing his words carefully. "Everything is quiet again."

Serina nods in understanding. "That's good. The ring restrains you from using your Alice too much. It seems you lost control in the hallway?"

Koko nods. In retrospect, he shouldn't have ignored this phenomenon when he first noticed it. "That's right," he says. His smile feels off and unbalanced, like he's not sure if he should be smiling or not. He still smiles all the same. "I couldn't turn it off."

"Your Alice, you mean?"

There is a peaceful feeling when he talks with Serina. At once, Koko feels at ease.

"I've been feeling what other people feel," he says. "And I can't shut it off. I don't know why this keeps happening, but it does and it's almost as worse as when I couldn't shut off my Mind Reading before I got here." He almost gives her a desperate look, but Serina's calm demeanor extends through his body like an undercurrent. He feels secure, as if it is possible to be at peace with himself (even with how things are going haywire recently). "This has actually been going on for some time now, although I didn't notice it at first until it got as worse as it did."

Serina nods, bringing her hand to her chin, deep in thought. "I see. So you're not just picking up thoughts, but emotions as well."

Koko nods. He opens his mouth to say something again, but he cuts himself off as a wave of negative emotions wash over him. But they are weaker now, almost like a weak gust of wind compared to the hurricane (_It's because of the ring_, Koko thinks, faintly), but it leaves Koko just a little disoriented. A shadow comes up from behind the curtains, and there emerges Natsume.

"Ah, Natsume. You shouldn't be up yet," Serina says, standing up. She motions Natsume to continue resting but the boy refuses. "Stubborn boy. I'm afraid he asked me to come get him when you're feeling better, and I can't really say no. Koko, look after him for me, would you?"

She gives one last cautious look before leaving. And just like that, she's gone. Natsume wordlessly takes her seat beside Koko.

Koko sighs and leans back on his bed. He feels oh so incredibly tired, and Natsume's weary soul doesn't help him one bit. All he wants to do right now is go back to sleep, but he can tell (as he always does, as he always _will_) that the black cat is troubled with something. It's a deep secret he holds, one that requires effort on Koko's part to dissect his memories and scan his thoughts. And Koko's just not strong enough for that. So he stares up at the ceiling and asks him, "What's wrong?"

Natsume gives him a long look, his expression just a little bit unreadable. Koko doesn't think he understands this boy as much as he thinks he does, but sometimes he tries to. "You can't read my mind," Natsume finally concludes, his eyes a little wide upon realizing it.

"I can. I just can't muster up the energy to do it," Koko replies. His breathing comes in deep and slow as he tries to relax himself. He's still not used to this whole… feeling things. Neither is he used to having his Alice restrained. He wasn't that powerful to begin with, just a little out of control. He holds up his right hand. "It's the ring. Serina-sensei gave it to me. I lost control in the hallway, so she put this on to keep me restrained." He closes his hand to a fist as he blocks the light away. "I'm… this will take some getting used to."

Natsume nods. "I overheard you talking. So how much did you learn?"

"About all this? Nothing, really." Koko closes his eyes. "About you? Well, nothing specific. To be honest, you're kind of a mess." He chuckles a little, and when he opens his eyes, he sees a faraway look in Natsume's face. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"That's none of your business," Natsume says, crossing his arms. Koko just laughs again, his smile crawling back in place at Natsume's tsundere tendencies. "Maybe I was, but it doesn't matter."

"Look, if you need someone to-"

"I'm _fine_, Koko."

Koko sighs, sitting up slowly. "You're horrible to be friends with, you know that? It's so hard worrying about you when you don't _let_ people in."

He can tell that it stung. He can tell, even without his Alice making him feel the hurt, because he's a good friend and he knows that this is supposed to hurt. There's no one way around it without making it hurt, but it's a truth Natsume has to face. It surprises him though, by how much it actually _hurts_. It's not bad, but it's worse if Koko takes off the ring.

Natsume… isn't really that strong.

"You know I _can't_," Natsume grumbles, dagger eyes boring into Koko's. And Koko can't speak because he _does_ know. He's known Natsume since he entered this Academy. He knows his hopes and dreams and failures. Not his secrets though, not all of it, but he knows Natsume well enough because he's a mind reader, and Natsume has come to accept that his mind – just like everyone else's – is a free playground for Koko's reading sprees. It is his show of trust to the him.

Koko knows the crucial difference between the walls he and Natsume builds.

Natsume _can't_ let anyone in. Koko _won't_.

But Koko remembers the faint silver lining, the small hope blossoming in Natsume's heart (one so reminiscent of tangerines and auburn hair). "But you want to," Koko whispers, his smile just a tad somber.

Natsume looks away, glaring at the opposite direction. His shoulders soften and he sighs in defeat. "Listen, Koko. You've been hanging around Mikan a lot lately, right?"

Koko sits up straighter, his alarm bells ringing in alert at the sudden change of topic. But there is no anger coming from Natsume's voice. There is only a somber feeling, something light that flutters in his heart, something… bittersweet?

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you–"

The boy is cut off as the curtains draw open, a hand darting out to take Natsume's hand. Koko almost reaches out, but Natsume shakes his head as he jerks his hand away and stands up to follow the man pulling him out. He is a tall man, very intimidating, dressed in black, his face covered in masquerade. Koko has seen this teacher around the school premises, has learned to revere him, even _loathe_ him at times. But,

There is a dreading apathy in him that snatches Koko's attention. It is the kind of apathy that can only be derived from a background of pain and abandonment; the kind of apathy that has seen horrid things, but have looked on; the kind of apathy that can only come from someone who is _tired_ of feeling sorry for himself. There is a sad emptiness in his heart, however fleeting, and Koko can't help but _pity_ the man in front of him as he drags his friend away.

He is left in this empty feeling until Serina comes back, washing the room with her easy and peaceful smile.


	7. The Loveliest

**Word Count: **3368

**Notes: **I have no idea where Mikan and Koko's dynamic comes from. I don't even know.

* * *

><p><strong>The Loveliest<strong>

_First he fell. But he wants to stay._

* * *

><p>Today, Koko feels happy.<p>

That is not to say that Koko has never felt happiness in a while; on the contrary, his days have been lighthearted recently, filled with an odd tenderness and plagued with smiles that he doesn't have to force himself to wear. There are different kinds of happiness for different days, and today, it's a beautiful kind of happy. Not the bubbly, ecstatic kind, or the euphoric adrenaline-rush kind. It's a warm kind of happy. The kind that is content with life while being full of it, that wouldn't fade even if something goes wrong. A pure kind of happy. A Mikan kind of happy.

Koko thinks he should let himself be happy more often.

"So how long is this gonna take again?" Mikan asks as she goes out of her way to follow the pebble she's been kicking.

"What, are you sick of me already Mikan?"

"No, it's not that." She looks up at him with a grin. "I actually like having you around."

They are walking together near the Northern Forest, where the world is much quieter and there are fewer distractions to catch their attention. Koko thinks he should be used to this by now. He always ends up here one way or another whenever he takes his morning walks. He sees the same trees, the same path, the same rocks near the side of the road. He checked the weather today; there wouldn't be any rain. Today shouldn't be any different. Except,

Except Mikan is walking alongside him and everything is just a little bit sunnier because of that.

"It won't be long," Koko says. "It's only until I get myself adjusted. Besides, I don't really want to have to face your boyfriend's wrath."

Mikan's face turns an interesting shade of red. She glares at Koko half-heartedly. "He's not my boyfriend!"

Koko chuckles. Mikan is cute when she gets riled up. No wonder Natsume keeps teasing her. "You keep telling yourself that, Mikan. You don't know how jealous he gets."

"Well, he doesn't seem to have a problem with _you_," Mikan says, crossing her arms. Koko arches an eyebrow at that. "Anyway, I just need to be around you in case something goes wrong, right?"

"I think that's how it works, yeah."

"Alright, so what do you wanna do? We can't just keep walking forever like this."

Koko brushes his thumb against the ring on his finger. It's nice out here. Everything is quiet. No distractions, no stray thoughts or unfamiliar emotions floating through his head. It's easier to feel the palpitations in his heart when he's alone with Mikan like this. Easier to make himself believe this is real.

(That they are just as real as Natsume's feelings for her, even when they are not as intense as his. And yet...)

He's always known that Mikan would choose Natsume. There was never any contest in his mind. Mikan was always his, will always _be_ his, and Koko has come to terms with this as a universal fact. It's destiny, it's fate, it's something he doesn't know, but it's written and it's true and he would be a fool – a _traitor_ – to take it all away.

He's not selfish enough to take it all away. He doesn't want to – wouldn't _want_ to even if he could. He's not selfish enough to create cracks and splinters, because Mikan deserves so much more and Natsume deserves so much more. His admiration is a lost hope he's happy to give up on.

But he's selfish enough to hold on to moments like these, to feel the tenderness Natsume feels, to break reality and have this all for himself, even for a little while. Even for just an illusion.

It's fine. Koko can be content with what he has, because this is honestly more than what he thought he could have. He knows this isn't going to last.

"Well," Koko says, grinning. He stops Mikan on her tracks and bows down in front of her, offering his hand. "What doth milady have in mind?"

Mikan giggles. "Well, I _am_ rather famished," she says in the most ladylike voice she could muster, hand dramatically reaching up to her forehead. She takes Koko's hand in hers and gestures for him to stand up. "Shall we take a stroll down Central, dear sir?"

Koko bites down a laugh. This is what he likes about Mikan. She's always quick to ride his silly antics, always quick to play along. He points his hand swiftly upward. "Then we shall partake in the eating of fluffs! I shall purchase only the fluffiest for milady."

"Thou hast pleaseth me. Lead the way, Sir Koko!"

"Thine wish is my command, Mikan-hime."

Her smile is bright, and Koko thinks this is enough.

* * *

><p>"And Tsubasa-senpai just left everything in glue and pink glitter!" Mikan says in the middle of lunch, laughing like she just told the funniest story in the world, and just being generally, positively <em>delightful.<em>

It's kind of wonderful, really.

The thing is, Koko doesn't even blush or get too awkward around Mikan, even after Sumire managed to weasel a reluctant confession from him. He just kind of smiles wider and more sincerely, and it doesn't really make much of a difference from his usual smile, so he doesn't make his crush much of a problem. Mikan will never know, especially because she has Natsume to think about.

"I bet Misaki-senpai was furious when she found out," Koko says. Mikan beams at him.

"She was! She chased him around, but Tsubasa-senpai booby-trapped the whole room so she ended up in glitter and confetti and she was so _mad -_" Mikan cuts herself off with more laughter.

"That must have taken a lot of effort."

"Yeah, it was fun helping with that. At least Misaki-senpai loosened up a bit and smiled, so it worked out in the end!"

She smiles at him, bright and happy and she's just so _Mikan_ that Koko just kind of wants to keep her in a little box in his heart and never let her go.

It's different liking Mikan. Koko's had crushes before on many other girls, but they weren't literal balls of sunshine like Mikan is. He doesn't feel weird, or panicky, or self-conscious. Not really. Everything just feels... _nice_. Natural. Like everything just falls into place. It's like breathing the next breath; automatic, instinctive, so innately ingrained in himself, his body, that it feels wrong not to do it. It just makes _sense_ to like her. How could you not?

Liking Mikan should probably feel more problematic than it really is, especially considering how the nature of Natsume's emotions are constantly reminding him at the back of his head. But it's not like Koko is expecting his own happy ending. He's not. He knows how this fairytale ends, and he's no prince charming.

He'll take what he can get.

"Are you going to the prom with Natsume?" he asks, and he knows that this should hurt him badly. It doesn't. "Or did he forget to ask you out again because he hates these kinds of dances?"

Mikan shrugs, twirling her fork in her plate of spaghetti. "He didn't ask me yet. But we've been going to dances together since _forever_ so I think he's just kind of expecting me to remind him when to wear the suit he doesn't want to wear."

Koko snorts, reaching for his glass of iced tea. "Of course."

"Who are you taking?"

"Me? No one." He tries not to feel anything about how Sumire ditched him for someone she _like_ likes. He's mostly successful. "Going with a date is seriously overrated. Sumire's got somebody else, and I don't really have my eye on anyone."

_Except you_, but of course he keeps that to himself. Mikan nods at him.

"But you'll save me a dance, right?"

Koko blinks at her. "Um, sure. If you want."

"Of course I do!" Mikan stares at him like it's not even a question at this point. It's kind of endearing. "Koko, I practically see your face these days more often than I see Hotaru's, and okay, that's probably because she has her _extra curricular activities_ and I'm stuck being a normal loser who still struggles with maths, but yeah. You get the point. You're my friend; why wouldn't I dance with you?"

Koko's heart flips. This crush thing is getting ridiculous, honestly.

"Sure, Mikan," he says. "I hope you've been practicing though. I don't want you to step on any of my toes."

Mikan just sticks her tongue out. "You're one to talk. Who was it that wrecked the center piece two years ago because they _stumbled_?"

Oh, that was one embarrassing episode Koko _didn't_ need to remember. He shoves Mikan lightly in the shoulder, but the frown in his lips wouldn't stay long. Not that it would even if he wanted it to. "Shut up," he says lamely. "Are you going to eat your meatballs?"

"Don't change the subject, Koko," Mikan says, but she pushes her plate anyway so Koko can eat her meatballs. "Just because you're a klutz-"

"I'm not taking this from _you_."

"Oh ha ha. At least I'm an adorable klutz."

Koko grins at her. "That you are. Criminally adorable and painfully clumsy." He shakes his head and sighs. "What a deadly combination."

Mikan rolls her eyes, and they spend the rest of their afternoon mock-fighting over the most mundane of things. It's really a lot more boring than their usual adventures, but Koko doesn't know a better way to spend his Saturday afternoon. He's with Mikan, and he's at _peace_. No stray thoughts, no fire casters to look out for, or friends to comfort in their time of need.

Sometimes he thinks Mikan might possibly be made of rainbows and cotton and warm coffee in the middle of winter, because if anybody could ever be made of anything ridiculously happy, it would be Mikan Sakura.

* * *

><p>"You're not gonna fight, are you?"<p>

"Of course not. This is Natsume we're talking about."

Sumire sighs, and mutters something under her breath. "Chicken."

Koko frowns. He sits up on his bed and tries to glare at Sumire, but she's not even looking at him, her eyes trained on the book in front of her. _The Complete Sherlock Holmes_, Volume I. He's sure that she's been reading the first page for the past twenty minutes, because that's how Sumire is when something is on her mind.

"I'd rather crow than be fried, thanks," he says flatly. Sumire closes the book in her hands and gives him a level stare. Koko keeps his guard up. She's an expert at this.

"So you're not gonna try at all."

"You're making it sound like I should. Do you really want me burned to a crisp, Permy?"

Sumire shakes her head, and Koko can practically _feel_ her think he's being an idiot. Uh, again. "You say that, but you're spending an awful lot of time with Mikan lately."

Koko sits up straighter. "Well, I have to. I can't control my Alice that well anymore, so Serina-sensei asked her to keep an eye out for me just in case. Nullification Alice, remember?"

"Idiot. That's not what I'm trying to say at all."

"Then what?"

"Morning walks along the forest? Lunch dates?" Sumire gives him a serious look, and it doesn't help the mood at _all_. These are the kind of conversations Koko wishes Mind Reading would be useful in, but it's not, because Sumire is honest enough and too much of a good friend. "People are talking, and I just feel that it is my duty as your best friend to tell you that some people – and yes, that includes Natsume, don't look at me like that – some people think that you might be taking Serina-sensei's advice a little too seriously."

There is a part of Koko that expected this somewhat, but hearing it from someone else just made everything more real. It's not like he didn't expect this (he's not _that_ much of an idiot) and it's not like he's doing anything wrong, just questionable. He sighs. "Is this the part where you tell me to back off in case I get burned? Because I'm really not hoping for anything here."

The look on Sumire's face changes at that, and it disturbs Koko to feel a little of the sadness she feels. Because this isn't a sad affair, not really. It's unrequited love, sure. It's lonely and unreciprocated and tiring, but that doesn't mean it has to be _sad_.

She says something Koko didn't expect. Her demeanor completely changes, and in a quiet voice she says, "She would want you to be happy."

"Well, I want her to be happy too. But we can't both get what we want."

"No, you don't…" She gives a frustrated sigh. "Look. If you break Mikan's heart, I won't forgive you. Or, well, I'll spend weeks trying not to."

"Don't be ridiculous." He can't tell for sure, but is she feeling pity for him? "Someone's going to end up heartbroken in the end, so why not me? I'm prepared for it, so it won't hurt. I don't want that to be either of them. They deserve each other."

He's Natsume's friend, not an asshole. It's not really that hard of a decision.

"You deserve to be happy too."

Koko sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Yeah well sometimes... sometimes two people fall in love together and the whole world and their mother knows that they are made for each other." He gestures with his hand, trying to put into words the thoughts he's been having since, well, since he realized he liked Mikan, actually. "And no force in the world, no disaster, no heaven or hell can ever break what they have. And I just think that it would be too cruel to take that away from someone, because not everyone will get to have that chance to meet their soul mate. So when it happens, we should let it happen."

"Koko..."

"Sometimes people fall in love and they know things won't end up in their favor, and that's okay." Koko looks at Sumire in the eyes. He spent mornings in the forest mulling over this. There's nothing she can say to sway him. "Because there are other people out there they haven't met, or haven't ever given a chance, and maybe they're not going to be my soul mate, not in the way Mikan is Natsume's, but that's okay. There are bigger things out there so. I think it's okay."

"You can't say that." She bites her lip. "You can't possibly believe that."

Koko shrugs. He actually seriously does. "I like what I have with Mikan. I don't mind not having more. I can sit around and think about what could have been or what tomorrow will be like, but this is today, and I'm content with it."

They are silent for a while. It's a bit disconcerting, because even with the ring Koko can feel wisps of Sumire's conflicting emotions. But at least now he can distinguish his own, and he knows in himself that he believes in every word he said. It's going to be okay. He's doing the right thing, and he's not sad, he shouldn't be. It's going to be okay.

Sumire sighs again, resigned and defeated. "I shouldn't have let you read philosophy," she mutters. Koko barks out a laugh.

"Trust me Permy, I've never touched Iinchou's books before. I don't need them."

But Sumire just _looks_ at him, like he might be depressed, or crazy, or both, and Koko starts to doubt whether he has all the answers at all.

* * *

><p>He thinks he's going crazy when, eventually, he asks Mikan about it.<p>

He doesn't tell her everything that's going on – no, he knows better than to do that – but he thinks it's important anyway to know how Mikan might feel about this. He thinks over this decision for _days_ before finally gathering up his courage to ask if he can talk to Mikan in private.

"Mikan-hime~"

"Koko, you can drop the princess title now."

"Aw, but I like calling you princess."

Mikan rolls her eyes, but she gives Koko a lopsided grin anyway. "What do you want, Koko?"

"I just." Koko breathes in and tries to find the words. He can still hear other people's thoughts bleeding into him, but they are softer now. He can ignore them, those background noise buzzing in his head and ears. "Listen, are you free? This afternoon? There's something I want to, uh, talk about. It's not really important, so we can just talk some other time but, I just... I want to know what you think about. Things."

Mikan raises an eyebrow. "Smooth," she comments.

"You know I'm the epitome of suaveness," Koko says, winking. Mikan bursts out laughing at this, and Koko grins in response. It's easier to joke around like this.

"You're ridiculous," she says, her voice muffled by her hand as she tries to stifle her laughter. "Oh my god, is that even a word? Suaveness?"

Koko shrugs. "I don't know, but it should be."

Mikan rolls her eyes again at Koko, like she can't believe someone like him could possibly exist. She smiles again, laughter still caught in her throat. "I don't have anything to do later. We can walk along the forest again, if you'd like?"

"Yeah. I'd like that. You sure you don't mind?"

"Koko, you're my best friend." She looks at him like he's being silly. "Of course I don't mind."

Koko furrows his eyebrows. Well, this is something he didn't quite expect. "But I thought Hotaru was your best friend?"

"Well yes." She gives him a pointed look. "And so are you. Koko, you don't have to go to singing contests with me as a kid to be my best friend. Or, I don't know, talk about boys with me and listen to me ramble until two in the morning. It's just... lately we've been hanging out a lot. And I like being with you. When Hotaru's not here, you're here. You're always here." She shrugs. "I can be honest with you."

Koko stares at her and thinks he must have done something to gain the gods' favor. He feels ridiculously, stupidly happy.

He gives her a grateful look and traps her in a tight hug. She smells like tangerines and little balls of happiness, if happiness ever had a scent. His heart skips a beat and he notices Natsume staring at them from the other end of the hall. He expects to feel jealousy, or curiosity, to seep through his emotions like ink, because Natsume's emotions are intense like his fire. But Mikan hugs him back, and he feels nothing.

"Wow, this must be really important to you," Mikan says once she pulls back.

"Yeah, yeah," Koko mumbles. He looks back, but Natsume's gone. It's not the first time he thinks he might be toeing the line too much, but Natsume has yet to do anything. He doesn't want to feel threatened. He's not trying to destroy this significant thing Mikan has with him.

He thinks maybe he's doing this all wrong, and he can't bear to think of Sumire wagging her fingers and saying _I told you so._

"Koko? Are you okay?" There's a warm hand touching his, and it brings him back from his thoughts. His mind is blissfully quiet. "Was it noisy again?"

Koko shakes his head. "No, sorry. I was just thinking."

Mikan gives an audible gasp. "Kokoro Yome! Are you finally growing as a human being? Is evolution finally catching up to you?"

"Shut up, Sakura."

He grins and Mikan grins back and everything feels so _easy_. Koko silently hopes Mikan would agree with his philosophy, because it's so much simpler to fall back to what he's always been doing, what he's always known, rather than to consider another perspective (possibly one that Permy might even agree to).

_Natsume can have her_, Koko thinks. _Just let me have this for a while longer._


End file.
